Why I Changed My Name: I am Neither Better Nor Worse, but Just Plain Different
I still count my lucky stars that my clinical instructor (CI) for my very last clinical rotation for my Doctorate in Physical Therapy (DPT) was fair and open-minded.
I was different than the other DPT candidates: 25 years older than my classmates with 20+ years of experience practicing lifestyle medicine through teaching yoga and Pilates. I approached patient care and breathing in a novel manner. And not everyone was open to my “different” approach.
One morning, I treated an older woman with low back pain (LBP) by teaching her to stand erect and exhale fully like a singer. Eight slow, long exhalations later, she smiled and exclaimed, “My back feels better.” I then showed her how to exhale fully in the more challenging position of sitting. Afterward, my CI told me, “That was different. Different isn’t necessarily wrong. Sometimes different is just plain different. I never saw breathing used in that manner to treat LBP. Good job.”
Unlike my open-minded CI, I find myself approaching the end of shelter-in-place regulations with suspicion and apprehension.
I have to laugh at myself; last year I was scared when we shut down for the pandemic, and now, as COVID-19 numbers are decreasing and pandemic regulations are lifting, I’m nervous about regaining my freedom. My CI inspires me to stop automatically assuming different, as in changing times, means worse. Different might be neither better nor worse, but just plain different.
Like many folks, I changed during the pandemic. I no longer worry if I changed for the better or worse. All I know is I’m just plain different. That’s one reason why I am changing my name from Natazha Bernie to Raine O’Connor.
I celebrated my 20th wedding anniversary in May. That reminded me how much I loved my maiden name, Natazha Raine O’Connor. My husband’s last name is Bernie, so 20 years ago, I started going by Natazha Bernie. I never felt connected with that name, but like many married women felt obligated to use it after our wedding. My married name left me feeling misrepresented and disconnected from my Irish-American ancestry. I am a dual citizen of Ireland and the USA and, until very recently, I was ashamed of my Irish heritage. Shelter-in-place living afforded me precious downtime to process and heal that shame. I reached out to my Irish relatives, talked it over with my loved ones, geared my yoga and Pilates practice to process those “issues in my tissues” and hired a professional to conduct a family constellation, a technique famous for processing ancestral trauma. I am now proud of my heritage and want a name that reflects my Irish roots.
The pandemic also inspired me to approach yoga differently. This spring, nearly 40 years into my yoga practice, I spontaneously tried a novel approach to lotus pose. Instead of sitting on the floor, I lied down on my bed to enter full lotus. With my previous attempts, I was never able to reach full lotus pose. Now, I can now sit in full lotus with either thigh on top.
Using a different approach made a huge difference!
Too bad I never tried this approach when I was much younger. Who knows, I may have been able to sit in lotus decades ago! Never having tried this novel approach, I truly can’t say if I got better or worse, but what I can say with certainty is my different approach resulted in a different outcome. I hope you too will try this new approach and watch my video below to learn why this novel approach helps you get into lotus pose.
Lastly, who knows how post-pandemic regulations will pan out? All I do know is there’s a lot more different to come. Please feel free to join me for a Zoom morning yoga or evening Pilates donation-based class to navigate this “more different to come.”
Breathe Well to Be Well,
N. Raine O’Connor